Tuesday, November 29, 2011


it occurred to me while i was napping this afternoon that the majority of the word unsupported is supported. i aspire to be unsupported, to attain that, somehow, but i realize it is a complex matrix of support which leads to moments of un.

today in yoga, i was in bridge position, laying flat on my back with my knees bent, arms flat to my sides pressing into the mat. the first time we went up, i could feel the urge to go into a full backbend. so, without hesitation, i did. i flipped my arms back over my shoulders and up she went. i didn't stay there long. it was my first unassisted backbend of my entire life, so, i thought it best to take it slow.

i spent a bit of time this weekend draped backwards over a pilates ball. rolling back and forth, first my feet losing touch with the ground then my hands. something about this practice made me want to do the full backbend. and so i did.

my friends remind me to take care of myself, to reach out when i need to and ask for support. i'm not always the best at saying,
spot me.
but i think they can see when i'm floundering.

after we devoured my bestie's scrumptious persian turkey stew with walnuts and pomegranate, served with decadent home made cranberry sauce over persian rice, i began to slump in my chair. she sent me directly to bed with my partner accompanying me and the instructions,
do whatever it takes to make her fall asleep.

the mandated nap ended, and i settled into the couch between my loved ones. i've been working a lot these past weeks, but i'm in a new job, with many demands, and i'm trying to keep a roof over mine and my daughter's heads. sometimes it feels like the weight of the world.

but it is a delightful feeling, making ones own way in the world. attaining those un moments. i realize, they are within grasp only after i've been fully supported by life, by love, by the universe. the un moments are not where any of us live. they are the moments of the small child bouncing on the trampoline, the high flying moments of wonder. all that is required is a trampoline to propel one to such heights, and wonder ensues.

i feel a bit like that in my life at the moment. a lot more joy than i've ever known. a lot more presence and goodness. i'm still learning how to write about it.

seems i have about five readings fleshing out through the spring and i'm looking forward to them. reading is definitely my bliss. the moment of wonder entirely. the un moment.

in the meantime, i manage the city every weekend, sometimes finding myself surrounded by those i love most.