Wednesday, December 05, 2012

may it be so

tonight i was in some ungodly pose when sophie came over and said,
you are so strong and flexible, more than even three weeks ago.
mind you, my feet, not just a foot, or an area of the foot, but my entire two feet cramped up after a moon salutation tonight. i got cramps in my thighs and rib cage (didn't know rib cages could cramp, but mine did tonight), and i'm not sure what else was going on. needless to say, i was not at my most powerful. but i have been taking gentle yoga from sophie. two separate sessions of it. and while it is not physically taxing, it is helping me to slow down and connect with my breath. i have been wanting that, been needing that. and not always do i get it. but i'm moving at such a fast pace most of my regular life that when i get into yoga and i'm jumping and trying to keep up, it doesn't help me attain the proper form.
i think my form is okay, that is, it doesn't suck entirely, but now that i've been in gentle yoga, i've slowed down enough to settle into a pose. to feel it in my bones. i think i was just feeling it in my muscles before. and maybe that's what i needed. it must have been, because we get what we need.
but now. there is a quiet and calm that settles over me like a cloud when i enter the yoga room and sit on my mat. i am often one of the first ones in the room, so i lay out my mat and spread myself out. my mind still races, but at least i remember to breathe now.
i told sophie this about a year and a half ago.
breathing is hard!
i just couldn't get it. but now, i think, i've not got it completely, but i am closer to it than ever before.
i'm tired. i'm stretched out. i'm ready to rest.
thank you,
i said to sophie.
no, thank you,
she replied.