what the

things are shifting around. that's not entirely a bad thing. provided i'm willing to let go of what i hope, expect, desire to happen.

i'm gearing up for a busy fall to come and realizing i don't really enjoy down time. or perhaps, i'm just not used to it any more.

the first draft of my paper was a great success, but i've got a long way to go. my coming courses will deepen my research but i have to be sure it is in the right areas. it's hard to chart a course when there is no land on the horizon. one must simply trust the inner compass.

and so i shall.

my baby and me

she's finally coming home. i'm glad she gets out and about in the world, that she's unafraid. that she's the kind of kid that will just explore. but i'm always glad when she comes home.

there's something about those first few minutes when you glimpse your loved one freshly emerged from the plane. that swell of relief when you hold them again for the first time. the gratitude as you take their bag and lead them to your car. these are the simple things. the things for which i am most grateful.

i finally attended yoga in my area. i do not think i met my sophie, the regular teacher was not there. but i didn't know my sophie was my sophie until some time had passed. so i will give it time and keep going back, as often as i am able.

my body took to the poses easily, it was familiar and welcome. when i came home after it felt like my thighs would pop out of the hip sockets. i had forgotten what it felt like to be stretched out.

side plank, which had been a particular pain in my ass before i'd left for this respite, was solid today, my body felt strong in the familiar pose. but, i knew i hadn't been and it would take some time to get the ease back. just to finally be required to stand up straight again, to point my chest to the heavens, and lay my head back in silent meditation was wonderful.

i had hoped the meditation would be a lengthy sit, but it was not. i have at least come to the place where i desire that to be a part of my life again. so i will try. i'm not sure how it will look, or work out, but i will try to find a place for it.

and for now, i wait. and trust. that my baby will make it home to me safely.

one more to go

just turned in my fifteen page semester paper in my discipline foundations class. i am pretty damn impressed with the paper. i've finally mastered apa formatting. but it took me ages to format it. i spend, literally hours tweaking spaces and line breaks. somehow overriding formatting got imbedded in the paper and i didn't have the time or patience to fix it, so i worked around it. manually centering things, etc. not perfect by any means, but what ever is.

a celebratory toilet scrubbing is in order. true to form, i will reward myself with a good bathroom scrubbing. la vida loca, i'm telling you.

buh buh buh buh buh

i always think of this scene from overboard when i'm overwhelmed today, i got up at five, i made it to work by seven twenty, i did not stop thinking (or using my brain) until almost four. and i just want to veg. but i'm so tired, i can hardly think.

the good news is, my perfect streak (save that one 90%) continues. i am so grateful for this experience, but i still have one more paper to write and one project to finish.

let it end, merciful heaven, let it end. and let me rest. though this weekend i will finally attend yoga followed by a meditation class and hopefully will find my sophie. i miss yoga and i've got my shoulders up by my ears more and more. not good.

track this

this week, i have been attending a training at work, and we discussed technology. just finished my first audio recording. i decided, as a way to enrich the material for my students, i would record myself reading the stories we are discussing/writing about.

i used the garage band software that came standard on my mac, and it was a fairly intuitive process. i even spliced in corrections and edited out moments where i stammered or you could hear my page flapping in the wind. all in all, i think it's a fine product, now to see if my students can access it. i'm waiting for it to convert to itunes, and feeling a bit impatient about it, but it is my first go.

out of the gate, until now, it's just over an hour. so, it's not a quick process by any means, but, very worthwhile, i think.

dun dun dun dun DUN

the twelve page paper came together like a dream, as i knew it would. mind you, it is not always easy to push the fear and dread, which are ever lurking by nature of the world in which we live, aside. but if you can keep your mind clear and trust that you have done your work, and you have in fact, done your work, then you can trust the process.

trust the process is the mantra for my school, and it is probably more ingrained in me than i realize, as i had initially obtained my bachelor's from this school when i first started down this road of trying to write this book, so very many years ago.

flashback to today. i'm done. i didn't go hiking, opted instead to stay in and finish the paper. i wanted a day off, a day away, but i wanted the monkey off my back more than anything.

now i get to go check on my own students, as i try to achieve balance and not put myself last.

turning things in, is such a relief. and i still have one day left in my weekend. huzzah!

t'ard

and i have to remember not to turn a smouldering eye on my loved ones. or my students.

i got up waaay too early today, and have waaay too much to do of late, plus my girl is hopping on the next train outta dodge (in the form of an airplane), and that is always mucho dificil on me. i will try to be okay with it, but something just ain't right when my baby gone. you know what i'm saying. she'll be away for just over two weeks and i will try to muddle through. though i still do it all for her, the little ingrate (i have all kinds of pet names for her :)

but regardless of who they is and what they do (or don't do, as the case may be) we love them more than it would seem possible. that is why we have parents.

and i still call my momma all the time. the breaks between semesters are hard because i don't commute in to work and so don't call anyone. for the past month i've been tending to minutia, and mom has been busily doing her life. well, i'm working again, so the past two days we've jawed on about everything. there is something comforting about speaking with your momma, and if you haven't done it lately, i recommend it.

i wish i could say the same about others i don't speak to, but sometimes it's easier not to talk, and we'll leave it at that. then there are the cases where busyness prohibits talking or being talked to and that is another issue entirely. life just happens and gratefully, mercifully, we are along for the ride.

i'm going to veg a bit now. i've finally begun writing my twelve page paper, i have much work to do, but since i've been up since 3:30, my brain is saying,

game over.

time to veg.

this is one of my favorite shots of me and my girl, taken at beltane this year, where i was able to teach on poetic alchemy. ah, life is so very good.