excellent failure

when i read this passage of brian mclaren's book a generous orthodoxy, i thought, yes, i know this. it is me writing this. this familiar failure that i've tried so long to shut out. but it will not go away. it dogs me. it gnaws at me.

blown it again. yes, i've blown it again.

exactly what, i cannot say.

those who know me well may guess, but i am not at liberty to say.

just know, i've excelled at failing once again.

that quote from brian is:

I often think my most valuable credential is my vast repertoire of stupid mistakes through the years, mistakes that can't help but teach their perpetrator something the hard way.

failure.

it is the numb ache of a rotten tooth. the dulling drone of a migraine. the head spinning frustration of missing the connection which would get you home tonight.

savor failure when it comes. when it lights upon you. don't flit it away like some pesky fly buzzing too loud in your ear. it must have something to teach you. something to say. listen. do not speak. do not block it out. just be silent and experience your failure, utter and complete.

it will teach you to relish success. at least i think it will. if i succeed, i'll let you know.