worship

i've just finished reading a worship book by david ruis. phenomenal. if you buy it for nothing other than the "every tribe and every tongue" passages, it is well worth whatever it costs.

i've begun to see everything hinge-ing upon and stemming from worship.

every battle i face boils down to this one question,

whom will i worship?

i think back to the passages in ezekiel where it describes the casting down of satan from heaven. he was the worship leader in heaven (sort of) then he got proud. he coveted the worship of God and wanted it for himself.

this is the battle i fight every day.

when people thank me for some kindness, do i roll around in it and soak it up, or do i realize that i had very little to do with it.

i've come to realize that i don't do too much that is praise-worthy. i do all the messing up, the foibles, the floundering. if you need someone to waffle on a few topics and add some confusion, i'm your gal. but the good stuff, the noteworthy insights, those come from the Holy Spirit. will i acknowledge that, or no?

the essence of that battle to me, which i fight day in and day out, is

whom will i worship?

myself? God forbid. i'm not even able to get a hot dinner on the table most nights let alone fashion a whole universe from a thought, from nothing.

so when i sit in front of my modern day god, the tv, and i waste hours on end doing nothing, i wonder, whom have i worshipped today? did i even remember to nod at God today?

not that i am all down on myself. it has taken me a great while to come to terms with who i am, my vast limitations, my frailties and ever-present flaws. yes, i understand me now and i am grateful to have the opportunity to worship the Creator of the Universe.

at the end of the day when the curtain falls for the last time, what will be the big money question?

whom will i worship?

if i can fix my mind on Him. if i can set my gaze upon Him who is lovely beyond description. then maybe, just maybe, i'll have a bit of understanding in this moment.

the battle is not about who took out the trash last week, and why i have to make dinner and do the dishes before bed. the issue is, and will always be:

whom will i worship?