dealing with the reeling

i try not to get sideswiped by ill news, who does. i am trying not to go down grim and dark roads in light of this latest urp in my napkin, shall we say.

on the bright side, i made a fine bean soup from scratch, and it is comforting me. a few handfulls each of black, kidney, chickpea, pinto, lentils, and an assortment of fresh vegetables, spinach, zuccini, bell peppers--yellow and orange, broccoli, and stewed tomatoes. i've finished it off with feta cheese, and it is a surprisingly light, hearty soup that makes my heart happy.

again, i repeat, i don't know how it all plays out. i have only these starry eyes and a desire to see what looks so substantial in my mind, come to fruition in this, my lifetime.

i can tell myself the stories that have assuaged me in the past, about van gogh. i can claim to be out of time, but i no longer think that is the case. i think it is time. this is my time.

so what will i make of it.

again, not entirely sure. i have some dreams, some ideas, some inklings, if you will. i know whom i want to spend the rest of my years with, but we do not know where. it is all to be played out.

i trust, whatever comes, it will be as it must be. that joy will find me waiting with open arms and bring with it a whole host of guests i had never dreamed of entertaining. back in the day i lamented the guests at my door, now, i swing it back on its hinges and say,

welcome. one and all. i embrace you.