overtired

i'm so tired right now i want to cry, or scream, like an overstimulated baby.

remember those days?

he's overtired we'd say. and rock and hug until the screaming child finally relaxed and fell asleep.

only, there is no one to hold me and rock me to sleep anymore. the last time i felt something holding me like a baby was when i was in one of those big red tonguelike swings for disabled children at the park. my hubby was off playing and attending to our girl (he is very good with her, better than me many times). and i was being held in the big tongue and the very structure of it holds you in a reclining position so you look up at the sky while you gently rock back and forth. i stayed in that swing the whole time we were there. i need to sojourn back there and let the tongue hold me again, because i am overtired and want to cry and scream.

maybe it is because i am both introvert and extrovert (every test i take breaks evenly on that line, strange isn't it?). with an unemployed hubby, i've not had time alone in a great while, and it is wearing me out. even being around friends is taxing to me. but being home, my God that is the worst.

we were supposed to be camping tonight, and my poetic soul needed to sleep under stars and be out of doors. my heart and mind really needed that break, but here i am indoors, the glow of the computer screen upon my face. i am simply overtired and want to cry and scream.