best friends calling

it is such a curious thing to suffer a loss and have the phone ring as soon as i walk in the front door.

i just had to call.

my best friend who never calls said.

it's a miracle.

i sobbed. because i needed her. and she heard me.

wednesday night, another best friend (i have many, incase you hadn't noticed) called.

it's been a while, what's the matter?

without missing a beat and after hearing only my hello.

just hung up with a dear friend who said,

you're going to be all right. i'm going to make sure you're all right.

the morning after the blow, my dear shiny new best friend said (though she had been up all night with a sick child),

let me just be here with you, you don't have to say anything.

there are many others who are holding me through emails and prayers. i'm finding my way, though the darkness is long.

i've not found poetry yet, but i'm dipping my toes in the editing again. the dear friend who rescued me from self-doubt with his book project and belief in me, has commissioned me for another job at just the time i needed it. only i did not know then, i needed it.

that is how it is, i guess.

we walk blindly, and trust. our friends come along side, take our hand and lead us through shadow. to hope. by their warm acceptance of all our flaws. of our inability to be anyone other than ourselves (they applaud us when we are most ourselves). by these i am bound up. in warmth and love. in life.

we are not strangers here. people do not come in to our lives for no reason. each one plays a part. the key is, knowing when you're needed. when your time to speak is at hand. when your time to be silent and wait has come.

and sometimes, beauty finds us. breathes on us. and reminds us, life finds a way. even when it hurts. goodness prevails and life finds a way. love abounds. and i believe the more we love, though the hurt sear like a red hot poker to the eye, it is worth it. even to love blindly. even to love briefly. love is worth it.