ain't no sunshine when she's gone

i would say it to anyone, my counsel always is, feel it. deeply.
don't get around the pain, don't bypass the bullshit. go through it. wallow in it.

my best friend says i love my emotions. and it's not so much that i love them as i've contended with them all my life, and now have come to accept them.

i wonder what' i'll do while she's away. i realized when i left the airport that a mother separated from her child is disoriented in some ways. everything centers around the child, every last damn thing. it's like losing true north.

so my whirly gigs been spinning wildly looking for what direction to point because there is no particular need to point in any direction, and i'd forgotten how good it is to be a mom. to be fully mom. mommy 24-7.

i even left my phone in my bag at work, she won't be needing me that immediately for a while, and well, it's just strange is all.

watching funny videos without her beside me, and well, they seem silly. much of what i do seems silly. and in some ways my silliness, and being constantly reminded that i'm weird is what i'm missing most.

i do hope she's having fun, i'm sure she is. i know she is.

and that is really all that matters.