Monday, October 18, 2010

flashes of things to come

i'm still doing it, editing myself. not pushing publish. so not like me, but i have reasons. and i am too tired to deal with much at the moment, so while i am still writing, i'm not posting. this is not a bad way for me to be.

i try not to look down my list too far beyond the very next thing because it gets overwhelming. and the tendency is to panic. i refuse to panic. i keep trusting it will work out as it is supposed to. i trust. bottom line.

do i understand any more than i did last week, or even last year, no, but i don't really need to. i'm really going with the flow in so many areas, and now i'm just conscious of it. which is a good and bad thing.

i took my girl to the salon recently, and she looks like a young lady. my best friend has been telling me for some time that she's blossomed but i never noticed it until she got her hair done. now, my baby is gone. all traces of child, save the dirty hand prints on the wall, are gone. she's a young lady. a beautiful young lady now.

and the good news is, i saw it. completion of this season of my life, the doorway to the next phase. and it was good.

i was told by a prophetic type dejavu is a sign that you're on the right path. headed in the right direction.

while i do get that a lot, i also get flashes of what's to come. a preview of coming attractions if you will. i have decided to share that with my besties because when it happens i want someone else besides me to know that i knew.

i need to listen to myself more and trust that knowing. it's hard to do sometimes. everything looks contrary, but i know there is a lot going on behind the curtain and soon, very soon, the best act of this particular play begins.

i can't wait. it's like a long intermission and there's a line in the ladies room. it's fine, necessary. the break is needed. but it is the moment between scenes. the action has subsided on stage in a sense. but that's my point, it really hasn't. everything is happening for the big finale. when the lovers unite. the battle is won. the standing ovation occurs.

and i can't wait.

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