Saturday, October 23, 2010

i miss you

it's an odd feeling, not having time to write. some part of me feels denied, lost. but i genuinely have no time at the moment. and i know i'm not supposed to be saying that, that if i say, i have all the time in the world, suddenly i will. but that just isn't the case. i'm just swamped.

but it will be well.

i keep trying to navigate the quagmire, and sometimes, somedays, it feels decent. like i can do this. like my life is not living me. i'm grateful for those days.

the past two days at work have been hellacious. i'm not sure why, or how, or what exactly is going on, but a lesser bobka will not do. i am glad to have held up on my own and found my footing. i've grown lazy in my new store, and sometimes i'm grateful for the respite, but mostly, i miss busy. i would rather be racing the entire time i'm at work than standing around. any day.

so, the girls are out by the fire. we roasted ginormous marshmallows, they are so delish because while the outside gets charred nicely when flambed, the inside stays mushy soft. so there is a more even balance of the black carbon coating to soft white near gelatinous sugary substance. two thumbs up.

this is why i'm not writing, it all just sounds idiotic. like bullshit.

i'm in a semester where i have to do something that isn't necessarily my thing. it isn't not my thing, but i have to try to do things properly. and, well, you know how that goes.

so i am just going to do what i have to do to graduate.

that means, focus and get through this semester. it's all i can do.

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