believe again

it seems i keep coming to this place, where i can divorce myself of my heartfelt beliefs or i can hold fast. cling to them as a morning glory does a chain link fence, climbing ever higher, ascending the neighboring tree and sending out a cascade of nurturing blooms, so hummingbirds dart about in the heights, and fat black bees, all crawl in to nectar full bellies and pollen laden legs.

so much beauty.

as i walked home from yoga tonight, in the dark, remembering there is a gorging bear in the area, he frequents the dumpster just outside my front door, imagine it's a black bear, i remembered he was in there, crackling in the underbrush, seeing me, while i could not see him. not only was it dark, i'd left my glasses at home. don't need glasses for yoga. or a phone. so i'm walking in the dark, and a firefly lights up. reminding me of the simple beauty of darkness.

and i went to the garden middday, the garden i've only seen at night, with her. we walked the rows of roses and sat by the fountain, but there was one large white blossom, i could tell it was a nightbloomer. something unafraid of darkness. and i wondered who pollinates it, who delights in its nectar.

so many different flowers that i couldn't see during the night, i could see during the day. i looked into the face of one flower that had a blossom as big as my head. it was gorgeous. that nature just does that. creates beauty for no real reason other than to be lovely.

so tonight sophie was gentle with us, but twisted us to pretzels, which was what i needed, because my back, even now has begun aching again, and i'm not entirely sure why. i realized when i went to cali for a month and didn't do any yoga that i was essentially my worst enemy. now i'm back and not doing as much as i could, getting used to this teaching schedule and all the activities of late, i just haven't made it my priority. but i need to.

so i believe we are here for a reason, in this life, not another. with the people who are surrounding us at this time. i must believe there is a reason and that as our lives unfold, like a beautiful garden in its own right, we will ultimately compliment each other, and learn to live beside one another in beauty.

i believe this. i strive to this end.

and when someone is less than attractive, when i am less than attractive, i try to remember the fallow season comes, the garden must be turned and planted again. the seeds lay low in the darkness, until the fullness of time. and the garden blooms again.

winter is coming. and it will be well. a time of joy and prosperity.

i believe this.