love stories

i cut my teeth on love stories. i believe in love completely. even love that doesn't work out, for whatever reason. i believe we are in each other's lives for a season and when that time ends, we move on. no hard feelings. it's just time. let go. the thing about it is, there is always someone else to love. there are so many someones that there is really no time to mourn the past as long as we were present in it. as i was. i was entirely present. that time has passed. time to move on.

i hear my daughter singing in the other room and this brings me joy. i think being with those we love, experiencing the ups and downs, feeling their grief and elation, it makes it all worthwhile. the low times don't stay that way forever, and the good times never last, but they are sure fun when they are happening. i want more good times, who doesn't. but i am willing to endure the bad times with as much presence. i have learned not to fear the change of season.

i'm reading a book that is stunning to me. it is the most affirming book i've read in a great while. it makes me believe that what i am doing in love is what i am supposed to be doing. it is an intuitive road i follow but when affirmation comes it bolsters me that much more. sophie said the other night,

don't close you're heart.

i heard my insides respond,

i don't intend to.

because i don't. not ever.

we were in half moon pose, where one foot is pointed forward, say the left foot, and the left hand is reaching to the ground, while the right foot is stretched out and up and the right arm is reaching toward the ceiling. to maintain your balance you have to abandon yourself, or as sophie says,

fly.

it came to me that i can't depend on sophie, or anyone else to find my center for me. if i don't find my center in that balance pose, i fall over, or drop out of it. if i can find my center, i can stay in the pose, heart open, for as long as i need.

and my best friend adds,

if you fall forward in the pose, you are fearing the future, if you fall back, you are living in the past. only the person in the moment is able to find their center.

i trust this.

not entirely sure what the future holds, certainly not going back, i abandon myself to the moment. to not closing my heart. to remaining wide open and finding my own center. for no one can find it for me. no one can maintain my balance, save me. me alone.

this is the best love story yet.