the post

brings me news today of troubling things. the post is not so much letter in hand of carrier, as a technological blip, leading to a phone call, leading to tears. how i love my friends. how i want to shelter them. to support them in whatever ways i can. i guess to be called upon in an hour of need is testament that they understand my desire to be there, to be present to their pain. and as i sat there tonight wiping tears from my eyes, i could not even utter, how much, how deeply, i want to just make things all right for those i love. this trial, twice removed, sits upon the shoulders of one i love, and i can only listen. only love. it is my task, that much i know, to love in spite of the news. in the face of tragedy. to believe unswervingly in the one i love. it is what i do best.

so i sit there, trying to reengage in the moment and yet feeling at a loss for how to do that.

so i let the tears fall, i did not try to stop them, or hide them. i just wiped them away as they came.

are you okay.

yes. just thinking of my friend.

and the conversation turned to the business at hand, what to order for dinner. i did not want to be the sole downer since i had just drug them, my dear ones to a movie that they found depressing. i found it honest, that's all.

i'm glad i don't have a smart phone and access to all the information i used to, it's easier this way, to be slightly detached. but if my dear ones need me, i'm glad they call. glad they reach out.

ultimately, i understand, we need each other. that's the bottom line.