Thursday, April 14, 2005

holy shit

a rose needs shit to grow.

that is what i heard as i was washing dishes. washing dishes, according to julia cameron is a right brained, artistic idea. many times i have left my dishes and turned on my computer to jot down something i had to capture. that was not the case today. i tried to ignore it. to shut it out, but there it was. and i began to contemplate it.

could it be God speaking? perhaps.

some would say, no because God isn't vulgar. and i agree. but is shit really vulgar?

once at church, a word was given about an overflowing toilet. we listened to the word and the church responded with applause when it was done. john wimber said, i am surprized you received that word. it was a hard word, one could easily be offended by it.

while i don't want to offend, i don't want to ignore God either. so that is what it came down to for me and the dishes. i finished them. i mulled the word over. i lollygagged over my dictionary and started investigating shit.

here's what i found:

shit: defecate, usually vulgar (no surprize there!)

fertilizer: manure or chemical mixture used to make soil fertile

manure: material that fertilizes land, especially refuse of stables and barnyards consisting of livestock excreta with or without litter. (excreta = fertile)

refuse: unwilling to accept (this reminded me of the offended who are unwilling to receive an offensive word) to show or express unwillingness to do or comply with. give up. renounce. to withhold acceptance (i can just see the offended now), compliance, or permission. the worthless or useless part of something: leavings (but if it were worthless, how could it result in fertility? how could it result in anything of value?). trash, garbage. thrown aside or left as worthless (like we do with the offensive words/people that can't possibly be God/or acting on God's behalf).

excreta: waste matter eliminated or separated from an organism especially excretions.

defecate: free from impurity or corruption. to discharge through the anus. to discharge feces from the bowels.
feces: bodily waste discharged through the anus. excrement.

excrement: waste matter discharged
(like so many offensive people/words the church throws aside) from the alimentary canal.

aliment: food, nutrition, sustenance. to give aliment to, nourish, sustain. (the healthy, redemptive aspect of shit, but it could be said fertilizer is also the healthy, redemptive side)

alimentary: of or relating to nourishment or nutrition. furnishing sustenance or maintenance.

alimentary canal: the tubular passage that extends from the mouth to anus and functions in digestion and absorption of food eliminating the residual waste.
(it begins at the mouth, wow, i used to think the mouth was noble and the anus ignoble, but where does the ignobility end and the nobility begin?)

residual: of or relating to or constituting residue. leaving a residue that remains in effect for some time.

residue: something that remains after a part is taken, separated or designated: remnant, remainder
(a remnant, whoa! this is interesting).

remnant: a usually small part, member or trace remaining. a small surviving group. an unsold or unused end of piece goods. still remaining.


you still with me?

i am impressed if you are. believe me, i didn't want to go there either. but here we are. at a remnant. shit ain't so bad at all. it is just our connotations with that word. that uncomely word. it shuts down the receptivity of an individual, perhaps, and rouses the offendable religious spirit.

i was thinking about the ramifications of this, the way i write and in some way it is both good and bad.

bad in that it can be divisive. but i do believe Jesus, when calling a gentile woman who was asking for healing for her child, a dog operated in a similar fashion. i won't go so far as to say He cussed. but i'm sure it's no sin. it is just how the lower set live. speak. are. would we call Jesus divisive, no. never! but is that accurate? dividing the Word of Truth, the sheep from the goats. there can be some positive aspects to division. dividing the offendable from those who can press through the offense. that is something indeed.

good in that it opens the word i have here to those who are sullied. like me. my righteousness is in and from Christ Jesus, but there is no good thing in me. i cuss. i don't mean to but it is not something that is as discouraging to me anymore as it once was. i was deeply perplexed by it when i first became a Christian and the church was saying, jump through this hoop and roll over, catch this bone. i'm not a trained poodle anymore.

perhaps you don't know this, perhaps you do, but indian larry died a few months back. he is a motorcycle artist, sideshow carney who used to stand up as he rode his motorcycle. he was amazing.

his friends, since his passing, have rallied together to build a memorial cycle which they will auction off to the highest bidder and give the proceeds to indian larry's family.

this moves me deeply. i wept when i heard of this.

i don't see the church by and large doing this. i don't see us rallying together like this to make a way where there is no way. this opinion is based largely on my past four years of dark, dark nights.

when will we function like a body? a true body? a united body? when will we stop being so offended at the look and sound of a man and start seeing beyond that to the heart. what brought that man to where he is at that he could cuss like that or tattoo his body like that, or pierce himself like that?

these are the questions i'd like to hear the church asking.

as for me, i see the shit in my rose word as persecution. the church (or rose) needs to come together and bloom. she cannot do this without the fertilizer (a nice way of saying shit).

the psalm, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You O, God, my Lord and my Redeemer echo in my mind, even as i write these words. i cry out to Him just as you do for an acceptable expression of what i believe He is saying and doing in these days. then i get a word like this.

the church isn't going to like it one bit Lord, i say.

He doesn't back down.

they won't hear it Lord.

and He reminds me of the samaritan woman at the well. they didn't care too much for her either. but if Jesus was offendable, He wouldn't have gone anywhere near that woman.

i see so many avoiding the unlovely that it troubles me. i do it too. hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes. who needs to be hurt? we do. the church needs to once again become broken bread and poured out wine. we are so focused on being perfect as Christ is perfect, and with good reason. but does that perfection equal looking a certain way, speaking a certain way, and behaving a certain way. i don't think so. that is where i think we miss so much of what the Lord is wanting us to do. (i include myself in this, as i am as reluctant as the next guy to talk to witches and pedophiles. i would rather not, but God would rather i do. tragic as that fact may be.)

i wish the church would stop being so offendable and start to look deeper. be Jesus in this world. it will take you places you never dreamed you'd go. you wil do things, like spit in men's eyes (how offensive is that?), you never thought you'd do.

can we unleash God, or are we too offendable for that? He doesn't want to be boxed in anymore. and He doesn't want us boxed in by the safe, comely walls of the church building.

3 comments:

Deborah said...

interesting, original point of view, as can be expected over here.

Great composting.

D

siouxsiepoet said...

thanks deb.

a friend writes me this:
This blog reveals, I beleive, the very reason God tells you this stuff
in the first place. Thanks for being one who would be open enought to
receive it, willing enough to contemplate it, and courageous enough to
write about it. Some might say this blog is a piece of shit -- for the
fertile matter it sows into our minds, I agree. Because it is not
refuse to be discarded or useless leavings of any kind, I disagree.

Write on!!!!!!!

Doveseyes said...

That's so interesting that you wrote this! I actually love the word SHIT, it's one of my favorite words in the English language! I didn't realized it was considered a "bad cuss word" until I had been in America for a couple of years, at least. Then, of course I stopped saying it as much around people. The thing is, cuss words in your second language don't carry the same baggage they carry in your first language.

But anyway, being a bit more serious. I also long for the day when the unnoffended bride will be secure in who she is in Christ and start looking pass the exterior when they welcome people into the kingdom.