Wednesday, August 24, 2005

sidetracked

i'm having pangs of inferiority. i don't read many blogs anymore, but happened to have some time and scrolled through one to see what was up and this little gem stuck in my jaw: so and so has his MFA in creative writing giving him definable skill in this area.

as i have struggled to finish my degrees, and been thwarted over and over again. i have spent much time agonizing and praying over this. i don't begrudge anyone recognition for their hard work. praise God for their ability to achieve something so noteworthy.

i used to feel like i got sidetracked. when i was attending orientation at UCLA, i never thought i would never set foot on the campus again, but i didn't. i got married.

when i attended first day of classes at ASU, i never thought i would never set foot on the campus again (i was admitted as an honor student and raring to go), but i didn't. we relocated to texas.

after buying a house, and discovering the ad velorum waiver, i enrolled at a local community college to bide my time (the requisite two years to establish residency). i won a scholarship, got As a couple Bs, and prepared for UTD. then i got pregnant.

what joys. what immesurable joy having a child. but i always wanted to finish my degrees. so i became an accredited la leche league leader. no not a noteworthy endeavor from the intellectual standpoint, but very helpful to moms and babies.

a move back to texas when my child was two, and i enrolled at Texas A&M U, Commerce. Went to transfer orientation. i had no idea that i would never set foot on that campus again, but i had to take the dreaded TASP. i had avoided it before because i was at a miserable community college. but when i had to take it, i went back to the miserable community college (a place dear to my heart) and did some more undergrad prep work there, based on those dreaded math scores.

having done that, i went to UTD and registered, began the whole process yet again, for the last time i had hoped. and we lost our job, the telecom industry literally dried up and blew away. for the next four years it was not even an option to think about college.

yes, i've been steadiily trying for that elusive degree. and i keep reaching but it has become like the door that descends down the hall faster than i can run. it has become my white whale.

someday i may finish it. but along the way i keep the mental parts oiled with much contemplation and study, albeit unrecorded, unrecognized, undocumented study, but study none-the-less.

and i've got a beautiful girl and a wonderful husband. i hardly call that sidetracked. somehow i think it is my main track. schooling, degress, all that is my side track. and i am all right with that.

i would prefer it if there wasn't such a stigma of ignorance when one doesn't have their degrees. or is not employed in some "meaningful" way. i'm just fashioning a person for life. that is no small endeavor. i don't claim to be the best at it, but i am grateful a degree is not required.

2 comments:

TS said...

Suz,

I think God must be singing a very famous Joe Cocker song to you. I'm trusting you know which Joe Cocker song that would be

Blessings,
Marvin

Deborah said...

Well....you got all the credentials you need in my book. A big A for authenticity.

That counts for a lot.