the student is ready

so i've been wanting take a bellydancing class for years! ever since i went to a lll conference and took a class there. finally, after trying many times, i've got one lined up which begins next week. i've got the skirts, the jingly bells, the hips, all i need is the master, the student is ready.

i've always wanted to do tai chi as well, so i signed up for that tambien.

my schedule is jam packed now, and i don't care for that, but if it is an option of doing nothing for myself and having free time, or doing stuff i enjoy or have wanted to do for aeons, i'm going to be busy a while and love it.

the thing about bellydancing is, you need someone to show you the moves and the regular practice will build my confidence. because i know a few things, but only isolated steps. having some sort of structure will be really helpful.

sometimes, i have poems in me that want to come together. one just peeked its head into my words just now, but i sent it back into exile.

it's a gorgeous image and i don't want to cheapen it by butchering it. but sometimes talking about what i'm going to write helps. i guess it all depends on who i am speaking to. my closest friends are generally the best for these unformed beauties to have a little light shined on them. then, after articulating a bit of what i'm thinking they come together relatively quickly. that is probably the most conscious processing i do. the rest of the time, it is all the fruit of darkness. the stuff of the unconscious.

yeah, i'm reading jung again. the undiscovered self. it's quite a book. sometimes i really don't agree with what he's saying, i had a lot of differing opinions in what i read of jung and st. john of the cross, but there again, i'm stalled out because i'm trying to find someone who knows sjotc before i plunge past my questions. i got so angry at the book, i had to stop.

i don't want to impugn sjotc at all, so i've not spoken of it, but i've asked priests,

do you know sjotc?

no, they say.

damn.

so i wait. the kind of waiting that is essential to becoming, i guess. i just don't like waiting. it is hard work. it is exhausting. it is mindnumbing.

i've gone weeks now where my mind has been grinding though scenarios of what is to come, i can't stop it. or couldn't. and rightly so, i guess. when there's stuff coming up, one has to contemplate it. and it isn't worry. i'm not worried, i'm just considering options, thinking things through. planning as best i can.

but i need to get apart from my daily life and focus on other things. the classes and work help to that end. i also had a new friend turn me on to a type of massage, let's call it. a woman's gift to a woman.

i've slept better the past two nights than in the past month. and i am grateful. masters are appearing from the woodwork, and i guess that means the student is ready.