late night

so tonight i see my kids homework sprawled out on the floor. i usually am too tired to notice, too tired to care.

i'm not so exhausted tonight as all that.

so, i look it over. it's pretty rough.

it reminds me of when i was her age, how no one helped me with my schoolwork and how vexing that was.

so, i notice the posterboard timeline she's drawn is all herky jerky with things crossed out. mind you, i can do scarcely better, but at least if one employs a ruler and whiteout for unsightly marks, it helps.

so, i decide, after hemming and hawing over it for a couple minutes, to go to the store and get some fresh posterboard.

she's been lugging this piece around for a while.

so i laid out her grid, and used a ruler, nice straight line.

but i can't rewrite the board for her, but reading the grading scale so conveniently taped on the back, i see she's missing some things, and a thing or two is askew.

so i draw light pencil lines for her to write her own words in,
and do the math so her integers are correlated correctly. it's the least i can do.

i'm nothing if not a distracted, utterly distracted parent.

but i was that kid with the shoddy no chance at placing art project or science project. honestly, i don't even remember doing those. i just remember scrambling to come up with something to hand in.

it was such a tough situation for me. and my mom was in the same position i am. not blaming, know that. just saying, i've been where my kid is at. since i noticed, is it a crime to get some fresh poster board and throw this kid a bone?

i want her to do well.

so in the morning, when we're both groggy, i'll give her the option of taking my board along with hers, and filling in the blanks.

she may opt for her own, which is entirely her option.

but, at least, she can know i was trying to help with the homework, even if most nights i pass out before she does.

i've been enforcing a pretty early bedtime, mostly because i need it. but, i think it helps her. she needs rest just like i do. we get along better when we're not sleep deprived, and, well, i just want to help her navigate this life if i can.

so much to think about. this little girl beside me, and i'm her only model. that thought kind of freaks me out.

but i do the best i can, and she learns much about the need for forgiveness, and we move on, one day at a time.

i'm told this is how one moves forward.