lysts

sometimes making lists can be a blessing. i sat down yesterday at work, and wrote out all the cannot miss pieces of this coming week. having them out of my mind and corralled on a page, even briefly, was a gift of sorts.

however, it can also be overwhelming to stand alone at the head of the week, and look down the long corridor which will command your time and attention, your energies and affections, and not give a single damn thing back.

i want to get it all done, hell, i have to. but mostly, i cannot go it alone.

yet, i am alone. so what does that mean?

i went and sat on the chief's couch last night and cried. not big breakdown cries, but just waters flowing, i couldn't keep them in any longer. sometimes the pressure builds to such a point, the tears come unbidden, unwelcome.

and, so i try not to hide it so much as to not overwhelm whomever happens to be around.

so, the list. the burgeoning list.

crossing things off one at a time, it's all i can do.

and i have a few moments to rest now. better make use of it.