good for who

tonight sophie says,

doesn't that feel good

as we are twisted in some pretzel the likes of which this body has never seen or been before. i let out a laughing gasp, it was all i could muster, and the rest of the class snickered. my body felt like it was going to snap from the tension, but i just tried to breathe and stay with it.

at one point she even said we could put our leg behind our head if we wanted. wanted isn't exactly the word i'd use. again, i laughed. she said,

i've seen someone put both legs behind their head.

i am grateful to just make it through a class and be in proper form, the flexibility will come, is coming. but, like all good things, it takes time.

her classes are packed, except the night classes, so i'm going to do the night classes. i got nothing going on at night anyway. no problem there. plus, i get all my obligations out of the way in the harsh light of day. that works for me.

my life has fallen into a particular cadence that i'm beginning to let myself enjoy. i have to trust this is really, truly my life. that there is no turbulence up ahead, the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign and i am free to move about the cabin.

the wonderful thing is, i have the people around me that i love. my friendships are solid. my family is healthy. i couldn't ask for more. i am not asking for more. i'm just grateful.

there is so much coming up, very soon, that i need to establish some rhythm to my life now. now is my chance to find my stride. if i don't, i am not sure how i'll manage. i haven't yet found that flamenco class, but i'm sure it's there, someone will know where to send me. they always do.

the thing about it is, we don't need to know the path until we are ready to embark upon it. i may not yet be ready, but then again, i may.

i've spent a lot of time of late finishing books, purging excess from my life, cleaning my apartment. i'm beginning to feel some semblance of peace in my life. nothing weighing me down. trying to just feel that. to experience it. to know that this is really my life. i'm grateful to not have to struggle in the ways i did in the past, i want to never forget those times. they keep me humble. and today, as i was talking to my mom i realized, i was once the thorn in someone else's side that may be stuck in mine. leave it at that.

yes, it all comes around and goes around.

today dr. clarissa pinkola estes reminded me again of my true language. symbology. i had forgotten. sometimes i have to retrace my steps to be reminded of what would otherwise lie fallow.

i am grateful for this reminder. life is, in fact, in deed, in graciousness, good. it always has been. i just get to experience a little bit of it and hope to be able to share this joy, this peace, this wonder. it is uncharted territory for me. i can't wait to explore.