her hand

it was such a rushed trip to nyc this time, that i didn't feel myself wandering of eye and thought as much.

last time we had six hours to reach our destination (which is just enough time for me to meander to the locale), this time, we were leaving on an earlier train (lower fares) and altered our plan to be at the park with other actual children. so ground zero was out, especially after the explosion and uncertainty.

we leave the tiny park and start heading uptown.

across tiny cement triangles of curbs and lights. i could hear the subway rumbling beneath us through the grating in the floor, i just had to find an entrance. we walked about three blocks and found one tucked behind a newsstand. if i actually read the paper, such a ny thing to do, that would have been the perfect place to acquire one, just like in the movies.

the houses in the area we were at were what i guess you'd call brownstones. the ones they use in the movies. nicer looking than the giant towers of humanity (the kind i knew i could not live in).

so, we're walking and the people are not standing out to me much this time. truly because i had to get to where i was going and back to that train in such a truncated period. i didn't feel free to just contemplate anyone.

down in the subway, i'm looking all over to see if i can acquire a map. when i hear a man ask,

que necesitas?

a map.

oh, over there, behind the trash can.

i have long since stopped being offended that people talk to me in spanish. at least i know what they are saying. some folk, are so fluent that i hardly understand them. i do stammer and try to speak back to those real native spanish speakers, but it is a challenge for many reasons i won't get into now. mostly, i have trouble accepting myself. that is the biggest challenge of them all.

this guy, (i didn't ask his name and i wish i had) was about as tall as i am. perhaps a couple inches more. so not a towering mass of humanity, but substantial. he was about twice my size and wore a messenger bag across his powder blue t-shirt. he explained to me that the train we were taking had so many stops, and a few other things before we got to penn station. but then i realized times squre was just a stop beyond and asked my girl if she wanted to do lunch there again.

which of course she did. i did too, it's nice when we agree.

so this guy is talking to me as we're waiting on the platform, and the trains are blazing by, so raucous. metal grinding on metal, the whoosh of air, recycled a thousand times over air, the exhaust of the breaks and momentary pause for on and off loading of passengers.

the guy would stop talking when the train came, which was nice, because i couldn't hear him. i don't know that you ever get used to those sounds, but some must because people seem to be about their business pretty routinely down there. reading, jumping on the train and off at the right times. while i, like a neurotic ferret am twitching and searching for the right places. but it was only my third time on the subway.

the guy boards with us, and he is nice. giving me adequate space. he wasn't intimdating in the least, a good soul, i'd call him. he had native qualities, and i asked him if he was tribal. he said,

taino.

which elicited my telltale, huh? look. i had no clue what that nation was.

puerto rican.

ah, yes.

that explains a lot. the spanish for one. people exited the subway and we sat across from each other. he tried to converse with me from there, but couldn't so he moved next to me.

native puertoricans are tainos.

ah, when you hear the word tai, you think thai. or at least, i do. but i knew that wasn't right.

he told me about toys r us in times square. and of course, my girl lit up like a roman candle.

there's a ride,

he said.

just to warn you.

he's describing this ride in detail. a small ferris wheel with different cartoon characters.

do you have children?

no, he said. but i take my nieces and nephews there. it's expensive having kids. i am trying to get myself established before i have kids.

what is your day job?

it was, midday after all.

i'm between jobs right now.

ah, don't get down.

i said.

it's hard, but try to keep postive about it. it will turn around.

yeah. i'm pretty positive. i hope to have my own apartment by november. i've sold water, maps, jewelry. anything to make a buck. i should be going back to school.

good.

i said.

it's hard, in some ways, to encourage strangers. but when they are kind and open up it makes it easier.

our stop came up, he never said where he was going, so he got off with us. and said goodbye on the platform. i for one was grateful for the escort. but we ascended the stairs into times square.

there is so much activity there. we ate on the fly as we were walking to toys r us. you know i wanted nothing to do with the place, but i was willing to take a stab at enjoying myself.

so in we went.

the place is three stories tall. the ferris wheel is in the center, like a mall atrium. we didn't go down to the bottom level, that's where my girl said the "boy's stuff is."

so we quickly found the faeries and hello kitty stuff. and looked around there.

the taino had warned us to watch the time, because, he said,

you'll be in there forever if you're not careful.

so we lit on outa there and headed to penn station.

in the many wrong turns we took, we passed this one lady down in a subway station. she was old. wearing what looked to me like a housedress. she had on tennies which resembled slippers, and a black cane. her hair utterly grey, gathered into a loose bun. her eyes unfixed, she stood against the wall with her hand out.

i can't tell you how many people we passed in the city who were asking for money. rastafarians, young greek guys, hip black women. all collecting for the homeless. very few moved my heart. but this woman. with her hand out like that. just standing there.

even if i knew she walked out and climbed into her bently with jeeves and buttercup her pet pomeranian. i had to give her something. so i stopped and found what i could.

i put it in her and and she said,

thank you.

and stood there. we left, because we were in the wrong subway station. we were about a block east of penn station, which isn't a subway at all, but those are detail we had to find out. i had figured since we exited penn through the subway, there must be connecting corridors from adjoining subways. but that wasn't true. because we weren't that far. even when we were just a stone's throw from penn's entrance, the subway never adjoined penn in a location to let you pass through, which makes sense i guess.

we found our way, eventually. got some bad directions, but kept searching. we'd left early enough. and found our way to an earlier train and just rode home with ten thousand stops. some construction workers drinking red bull in brown paper bags who peppered their speech with the f word. and every now and again, they apologized for it. which was kind.

all in all, a joyous sojourn. even though harried.