old age

perhaps i'm showing my age a bit here. i have one grey hair (that i know of) and i am very proud of it. my husband says, that is only because i don't have more. but i wasn't sure i'd ever make it to "old age" and praise God, i am starting to think i just might.

so as this aged woman is driving in her car yesterday listening to alternative music, i kept thinking, what kind of music would Jesus listen to? heavy metal, alternative maybe? i like it, why wouldn't He? it has always stirred my soul. granted, the messages aren't the most uplifting. as i went to sleep the other night i could hear "getting away with murder." and another song "i could be weak, i could be stupid, i could be just like you." that is quite a message. one that reminds me to test every word by the Word. and to test the spirits as well.

i just can't abide with sappy christianity, or a sappy Jesus. He was not effeminate (not that there is anything wrong with that). He was not wishy washy and so heavenly minded He was no earthly good (i'm pulling out all the cliches on this one baby!).

no! and i hate it when people tell me what they KNOW about God. i always say, then He isn't that way. but of these two things, i am wholeheartedly convinced. so i wondered as i was listening to some driving rhythms, would God like heavy metal? then i could almost see Him floating across the crowd with a big pleased grin on His face. and i thought, yes. He would. not the messages, not the sin. but the sincerity and honesty of it all.

then i could imagine a mosh pit, not the bloodied punker kind, but the ones i saw which were more civilized, and i got this image in my mind of Jesus jumping around with others, long hair flailing, a big grin, then He stops and says, who touched Me? a modern day retelling of the gospel. could you imagine? could you see it? what do YOU think God would be doing if He were here?

so i went to check the mail and i get this oversized envelope from a ministry i "support" (although i'm broke, i have an iou on my refridge for the day i can truly support them again).

i open this large envelope and wonder what it could be. i peek in and see the last name of the ministry leader on a cd. my heart sank.

yeup, the ministry leader had sent out his son's cd as a "gift" to me (and the millions on his mailing list no doubt).

call me ungrateful if you will, call me narrow minded, fine. but i suddenly saw my "support" squandered. first of all, the oversized envelope for a CD. come on, how much wasted postage was that? not to mention, the cd itself. granted he got the pappa discount, it is still a lot of money. then, i am thinking, okay, if i were a famous person and wanted to support my son, would i do it this way? i keep answering GOD I HOPE NOT!

using the ministry letterhead and funds for the wanton promotion of your child's career is just sickening to me. the letter said something about "feeling closer to God when he listens to the cd." presumably, it could be a worthy investment in my relationship with the Lord. but my problem is the ministry funding of this venture.

if this leader really wanted to promote his son, he could buy the mailing list and send out the cd with a personal note ON HIS DIME! not on the ministry's dime. that is what kills me about ministries and churches. the heads get this notion that whatever they want goes. while i am a believer in the pastor being the head of the church, if that head is making bad decisions, SOMEONE should have the guts to speak truth.

i think i may just have more to say about this. until then, enjoy your age, whatever it is. we only pass through this life once. it is all a gift, really.

(one more note: i finally read the letter that came with the "gift" it was a plea for some $500,000. i emailed the leader of this ministry with my concerns. what good is truth if no one speaks it?)