Wednesday, July 13, 2005

run away

when i hear those words, i hear my high school friend wade saying them in his best monty python voice. they still make me smile.

i read once in a neil anderson book (during the days of my healing i read most of his titles, to pinpoint which this anaolgy is in, is well nigh impossible), that if we imagine the christian life like an old western town, long dusty street with stores on either side and Christ stands on one end. our life is but to walk to Him. but we keep getting distracted and going in the stores, saloons, and other things that draw our attention away from the one goal.

when we come to our senses we leave the saloon, brothel (or wherever we happen to be), and proceed toward Christ.

this metaphor struck me as true until just now.

it occurred to me that Christ is so worthy, so lovely, so desireable that He is not the stuff of boredom or disinterest. we could not walk away from Him if we are truly engaged. i had this thought because of a great fear that came over me just a couple days ago.

i read a couple poems which were so lovely they frightened me.

i was shocked by this experience. it was unfamiliar, uncomfortable. i wanted to dismiss it, but it was so moving i couldn't avoid the fear of it. the awe. the experience of it. so i just went with it. i felt the fear. and began slowly to unpack it. and i think i understand now what it was all about.

i cried myself to sleep that night with a migraine setting in on me. but it did not shake the experience of fear i had that day. i could only weep in gratitude.

strange? i know. hang in there.

think about it. God is perfect loveliness. everything we desire He is. how could we walk away from that? why would we walk away from that?

i might have an idea.

the fear i experienced was the result of loveliness.

what is God? complete loveliness.

what is the result? fear.

fear of God.

the perfect fear of God.

so perhpas we aren't so much bored and disinterested in God and find other diversions as we are recoiling from something so utterly divine, so lovely that we know we are not worthy and run and hide.

this makes more sense to me. think about it.


Deborah said...

This reminds me of some lines from T.S. Eliot. I think they come from Murder in the Cathedral, but I'm not sure.

He wrote something like this:

They are the type of common man who fears the shove into the canal, the fire in the thatch, fist in the tavern less than they fear the love of God.

That always has stayed with me. Look at the people who are daredevils, who do extreme sports and such, who would be terrified to spend any time alone in a room by themselves with no distractions.

I think you are on to something.

siouxsiepoet said...

more to come.

this was just a quick post as the thought hit me. it's still developing.

more to come.