steady girl

i'm still struggling with learning how to take care of myself. i so easily put others first that i forget me. that is changing.

tonight i saw a few members of my ex's congregation, the word is out that i work nearby, and they parade through on occasion. tonight i saw one of my girl's little friend's parents. i said to them,

hi i'm her mom.

yes.

they said in their awkward eurpoean way. they never seemed too fond of me and just served to confirm that those people were never for me.

further confirmation came later when i was leaving work and ran into yet another of the church members, but this one has always been kind to me. the one person i would willingly talk to at gatherings where i mostly sat alone reading.

hey,

she said. a wide beautiful grin on her face.

how are you?

.

great, you?

.

fine. you look amazing.

.

thanks, i would like to take my girl around that church but they were never for me.

.

you're right,

she said,

it's hard not to take sides.

and the way it is, i can't trust her to anyone not soundly on my side. life is hard enough without having willing detractors.

it's curious that these people keep coming to my work and talking to me. sometimes they ask about my girl. sometimes i show them recent photos. but mostly, they are not my people. they are strangers. i am wary. and apparently, rightly so.

so i must continue to trust my instinct. it is good.

so many things on my mind. i just got off work and want to rest now, so i shall.


peace. out.