joy

i'm reclaiming that word. i abandoned it to people of faith, though i have faith, not in what i once had faith in, but i do have faith. faith that things will work out as they are meant to. according to the way things need to happen. i had this long conversation with a beloved about not settling for less than the best. she is uncertain that it will turn out the way it has all turned out for me.

but it must, there is no other option.

sometimes i see it all so clearly. that she won't, i won't accept less than what i need. life can deal all the cards it wants, but i'm not folding, i'm not sitting idly by, i'm not walking away until i win. there is no not winning for me.

i believe in abundance. for richness. for fertile soil of heart and mind. for myself and those i love.

you're sowing seeds of hope in their lives,

she told me.

you see them as they are. as they can be.

and that pleased me. my clarity of vision at times confounds even me. but i am trusting it more and more. not belittling myself but enlarging my territory. trusting that higher heights are ahead for myself and those i love.

grow. live. be happy. be completely who you are.

this is what i want for my beloveds. all of them.

and i want it for myself, too. that joy comes and takes up residence in my heart. that i learn how to infect people with that the way a smile passes from one stranger to the next.

yes, this is my wish.