i will be beside you

a friend writes to me and asks me to stay with her, i promise to be beside her. what else is this life for but to be there for and with those we love. i know i speak of love, and to those who know me, i probably overuse the word, but it's not from an excess of idealism, it's what makes my life mean something. the people.

seems wherever i go, wherever i end up, i find my way, or they find their way to me, these beautiful souls who adorn my life, like so many glimmering stars. the night is nothing without them. i would miss them if they were gone. i got used to not seeing the sun rise and set, but i can still look up, from wherever i am and see the stars. even the moon hides her face at night, but the stars hold fast. in a way that grounds me.

i've been a nomad most of my life. i don't understand the wherefores of what i do or why. i sometimes don't know how people can stand being around me. i walk away when it would be polite to stay, i don't smile when i should, but laugh when it is not appropriate. and yet, those who speak this language of the broken, who exist on fringes and wish upon stars, those people find me, or i find them. however that works.

people are my home, my kindred, my country. i would like a place to know. that i could be there through the years, but it doesn't seem to be the way of it for me. seems i'm like a band of gypsies and i have to get around.

but the dots are connecting, the constellations are defining themselves and i'm beginning to understand the mystery behind what seemed a few smatterings of light in an otherwise dark night. the darkness makes the light possible. the light makes the darkness possible. however that works, i don't pretend to know, but i am grateful, that when i am holed up something glimmering and golden gets through, usually in the form of a friend.