Tuesday, October 30, 2012

we are safe

i keep reciting this to myself, a mantra of sorts. while we have no power, no water, no heat, and no phone service,
we are safe.
this is all that matters.
so when the complexities of relationship and life begin to rear their heads, i try to focus on that one simple phrase, and breathe.
we are safe.
i meant to be very productive. i always mean to be productive, but i had a plan for this time indoors. i was going to organize my life and make things happen. i did that, to some degree, but then, i just got tired of doing it. and i stopped. maybe that was my mistake. my forward momentum halted, i languished. i drove around town a bit, finding some roads blocked. some clogged. and all of this, while out of touch with my loved ones.
i reached a few of them, on the west coast, but found the conversations did not serve to assuage my ever rising angst. so here i sit, trying to shake it off. trying to remember,
we are safe.
and breathe.
i don't want to be this woefully connected to and by technology that i cannot make it through a day or two without it. i like to think better of my mental health than that. i am the one who opted to dumb down my smartphone, aren't i. so as i drove the town like a junky looking for a dealer, i realized, i didn't sever the connection only the outward appearance of connection. that isn't, and hasn't ever been, good enough.
i'm not entirely sure how to go from here. where to go from here. what to make of this place. only this i know,
we are safe.
that must be enough.

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