rule breaker

i am a lowsy cook. i make a few good things, but i am very self-conscious when i slap a meal on the table, especially for guests.

i could eat rice and beans forever. i am very utilitarian. my palate is not that great either, neither is my sense of smell. all these conspire against me.

i married a great cook. but i burned him out in the early years relying too heavily upon his skills as a cook. so now we eat whatever i manage to muster, and it is typically messed up in some form or fashion.

my husband's apache palate is acutely sensitive. once his aunt came over and i prepared a cup of coffee for her, she asked for no sugar, but creamer. i stirred in the creamer with the community spoon. she took a sip and asked if i used a spoon which had sugar previously stirred sugar. yes, i had. she could taste it. that is how sensitive my husband, daughter, and their apache family's senses are.

so when seasonings are off, or i've burnt something, they know it well before i do.

most of my problems arise because i don't follow directions. and when i get familiar with a recipe, i really abandon the cook book--then it gets interesting.

i read books and things that interest me very intently, focused. i remember much of what i read. i wish that were true of my cooking.

my first cheese cake was more cake than cheese. i misread the recipe and put in a cup of flour as opposed to the requisite three tablespoons. yeuck.

i do a lot of praying in the kitchen, especially when i have guests.

i was talking to a friend on the phone when i was cooking once and was just telling her that cooking was akin to a great exam i never studied for. this exam repeats itself every day of my life, three times a day. i hate cooking.

my girl has taken a liking to the easy things i cook well, but my husband was raised with a mom who made him a fresh, unique meal every day of the week (and she served it all piping hot).

i am the leftover queen. i'm lucky if my food is served warm, forget piping hot.

the Lord has not called me to walk the easy road. maybe He is going to fix some of my rule-breaker tendencies with all this cooking. maybe He is going to give me confidence where it lacks.

i can write, i can read well, i can edit. i can't cook, i hate to cook. but i must get over that. so this season, of laying down pen and focusing on my family--they must be my first ministry--will be a challenge of denali proportions.

but challenges aren't ever easy, or they wouldn't be called challenges. would they?