complete sets

i decided to go with artsy over sporty. i've never been into sports. if you know me, you know this about me, when i was on one of the few team sports i've ever played, i remember running around the court asking myself, does anyone know what they're doing? it never occurred to any adult i was dealing with to sit down and explain the situation. to let me in on a few essentials, like the rules. so i ran about, did what i could, but it's basically a losing battle if you have no overall picture. kind of like my map situation. i'm beginning to see a recurring theme here.

i've been reading this new agey book, that isn't worth mentioning by title, and sometimes i put it down and shake my head, hoping i know better than to believe or adhere to any of the garbage i just read. what i do can sound very mystical and weird, but it all comes to the plumbline of the gospel (i'm sure one of my dear friends will be glad to hear me say that, though that is not why i say it).

but i keep telling my friends, it isn't enough. the party line just isn't enough. God is bigger than we've believed Him to be. He has to be. by definition. or we're sunk. so if i can't read a book and be able to trust the God of heaven with my soul, then we're all in a world of hurt because He wouldn't be omnipotent then.

some might say i'm using Him as fire insurance, and you can think what you want, but i've got the certainty of God. and when i shake my head and wonder what in the world is going on, He says,

trust me.

and i do. i always do.

i've been going through this embracing of the masculine and feminine within. the creative masculine is said to be alight with creative inspiration (mine is fine), and i had wondered why my dreams hadn't reflected his well-being. i don't think much about my dreams these days. i read a story about a girl and her king, yada yada yada, i wondered, where's mine?

well in my dream last night, he was there. loving me. it was fabulous. i'm happy to report my inner king is alive and well and living in denmark. (perhaps not denmark, but you understand).

i've begun to realize, i can't function as a partial set, i have to be a complete set. the analogy for this i use is chess. one can only play chess with a full set. one can only match a full set. i'm not interested in meshing with someone else to make up a set, or depending on someone else's set. it's time to be my own set. to play with others from completion rather than want.

this may not make sense to you, but it is where i am at. feeling complete. whole. something i've not spent too much time feeling in this life of mine.

off to waft around new york city today. yes, i'm wafting.

peace.