scarlett

i've had nothing to say, that is why i've not posted. i am well, i am well. thank you for your concern.

sometimes sleep is not what we need, but truth. i've been walking around with a great burden of truth upon me, that i need to unload.

i'll be taking my first trip to the city. possibly saturday to hear a poet read. but most likely tuesday when my girl and i get to tour the lincoln center and watch a ballet rehearsal. the pianist will escort us there so we don't get utterly lost. (which, as you well know, is entirely possible with me).

i was sitting at the library reading yesterday, it seems there is so much to do around my apt lately, the only way i get to read is to leave. sadly.

so i'm sitting there in a chair surrounded by plate glass windows. the trees are lush with green leaves, it rained heavily yesterday, so they were dancing in the breezes, glistening with life. seeds wafting down from high up.

i am enamoured of trees out here. i keep trying to get through this book i'm reading, but even yesterday, i was mesmerized by the trees. waving so gently in the breeze. i've never seen trees like these. and they do a number on you if you let them. they are utterly divine.

i was sitting two stories up, so the birds would light upon branches and there i'd be, right even with them. it was delightful. a cardinal caught my attention yesterday. i wondered if he gets goaded by lesser birds, those of blander colour. less demaning of the eye. less breathtaking.

i notice the little sparrows often look at me with serious eyes, under their heavy black brows. questioning. wondering. watching.

this cardinal flitted higher and higher, until he flew away, finally.

it made me wonder if being so lavishly adorned, being so magnificent is a burden.

i envied those little birds yesterday because i wanted to sit out in the rain storm and enjoy it. but i sat in the air conditioned library.

rain strikes me as one of the ways God touches us. think about it, it is the only substance which runs down our bodies tangibly, whenever it pleases. no place is off limits to the raindrop. it goes where it will. comes and stays as long as it pleases.

it sometimes feels to me like the very fingers of God traversing my body.

when i went to the ren faire last year, it was pouring rain. i had actually hoped and prayed for it to rain. for me to be able to walk in drenching rain and have it be okay. and it was. i was soaked through and i loved it. i just kept walking the grounds and didn't stop. it was muddy, and slippery, very exciting.

what can i say, i'm a cheap date.

so yesterday i wanted to walk to the library, and get soaked through. but it was cool. and my beloved advised against it. i drove. i do have my daughter to consider, which is something i must remind myself. though she probably would have liked getting soaked through too.

i notice that when i'm trying to avoid the rain, to keep from getting wet, driving, or using umbrellas (which i don't anymore), that the rain becomes a nuisance. something so easily equated with the touch of God becomes something i run and hide from. so as not to get wet.

my black and white thinking has been problematic all my life. but perhaps that will change some day.

i've nothing else to say so i'll leave off here. peace.