heebeegeebees

so i'm doing my prayers this morning and the reading is job 1. not a comfort. i'll tell you. job was my Grams' favorite book of the bible, why? i don't have a clue.

but i get the willies whenever i read it because job was a star student. God's pet, i guess you could say. and look what happened, all from being a good guy. man, that is the strongest argument for being roughly hewn, that i've ever seen. this morning as i read it i found myself praying,

don't brag on me God. please don't brag on me.

sending minions to tempt and torment me to see how well i'll do.

then, not only that but his lowsy friends. not to mention his wife as bad advisor. then there's the tongue lashing he got from God. the guy can't win. all this from being good. i'd rather not. thank you.

it makes me wonder some times, do we just have to be good enough to get in? and how good is that? is that sinful to even try to stay in the middle of the herd? i don't think it is necessarily, but just the thought of God putting a spotlight on me freaks me out.

i've got enough grief, thank you very much. enough misery without festering boils and everyone around me saying, curse God and die. don't know that i wouldn't come to see their point eventually and then where would i be.

which is why i guess it happened to job and not me. not that i'm proud that i'd roll over on God if put to it, because ultimately, i think all this purpose driven life living is just an illusion, and it will come down to it. we will be called to stand in the spotlight and while we may not have festering boils, we will likely have some serious consequences for loving the God of heaven.

those hebrews 11 passages coursing through my brain give me the heebeegeebees too. wow, i'm totally sober now. if there was any delusion left, it's gone. peace.