amazing.

there is nothing quite like having someone understand your voice. to hear its tones and help you sing (or write) with greater clarity.

now, this side of it, having some bit of affirmation, i wonder, what was i afraid of? when i turned in my manuscripts, i was certain they were the best i could do, but i guess i wondered if it would be enough. i've come very far in my writing journey, is it far enough? do i need to keep putting distance between me and the writer i was when i first began?

sure. we all do. growing is a journey not a destination. but i was not sure, i've never been sure what i have to say and how i say it will be received. much less appreciated.

but i finally have word on my manuscripts, that word is

amazing.

and i rejoice. rejoice. and again i say rejoice.

it does not change anything other than the next step. it encourages me that this long road will actually lead somewhere. though i guess all roads lead somewhere, but the somewhere of publication is the mecca for all writers, no?

then i read this line by emily dickinson,

publication is the auction of the mind

and i check myself again.

do i want it? do i want to let this go from my hands (though it is all ready gone from my hands to the hands of one i trust, but he cannot--no one can, if anyone could, he would i'm sure--promise me it will be what i intended it to be). perhaps it will become something more than i planned and imagined, if i listen. if i let this trust guide me. if i yield to his wisdom.

the letting go of a book is a precarious thing. who knows what the marketers will say. who knows if anyone else will see value in it. i cannot do anything other than hope my voice will find a place in the marketplace. that i will be heard. and that what i have to say will be redemptive. and liberating. and invigorating. and that how i say it will be enlightening. perhaps even stimulating.

in all things may God guide me and give my editor wisdom and grace to deal with me. i can be as unruly as my hair on a misty day (frizz city). i know this. but i am trying to behave.

praise be to God.