by design.

today after service we were treated to bach's tocatta and fugue in d minor. what a blessing it is to find/hear art in the church. i sit there in awe of the bounty around me. and while it is not perfect, as there is no perfection apart from God, it is a joy, nevertheless.

the pews are still full of flawed folk. i still read through the sermons. today roethke kept me romping through snowbanks and thinking of tom cat entrails.

i've never heard the organ actually played. i've always only heard it banged on to get through a hymn. but to hear it opened up and do what it was designed to do, that inspires me.

have i opened up myself to create the way i was created to create. have i begun performing at the level of my design. if not now, then when? when and what will it take to coax that song from my fingertips. to call forth the work i was created to pen?

i think more and more that each moment is the fullness of life. each meal a gift. each shirt ironed (yes, i'm ironing now, and there is something zen about it), meaningful.

though i do not possess the understanding of all these things just yet, i can experience them and let them enlighten me. speak to me. reveal themselves to me.

the darkness, i've come to understand, is part of my warp and woof. i'm a tweed, perhaps pink with dark chocolate threads coursing through. woven in by the Master for His good pleasure. i will now, cease searching for an end to the darkness, but not go there (i never go there) intentionally.

when i am in darkness, i will learn the lessons of darkness. pen the works that others cannot. and bring them back with me to the light.

when i am in the light, i will ever remain tender to those who cannot find their way into the light. this is my purpose, i am sure of it.

use the gifts He's given. bless those around you.
as i will try to do as well.