the perfect day

it has been a long time since i've had something ungrim to say. i shall try now.

spent the day at the beach with my best friend. our kids at the water's edge the whole day. we watched people (which is a lovely past time), and felt the warm sun caressing out bodies.

my first venture out in public in a bikini. i was pleasantly surprised when i got to the restroom midday to find i didn't look half bad.

everyone was gorgeous. even the obese. it's good to see people out being themselves. there are so many bodytypes. so many wonderful things happening. (how trite these words sound to me.)

one lady walking on the beach had this chocolate and peach tankini on. we commented on how comfortable she looked. she was a big girl. when i passed her on my way to the water, i told her we thought she looked fabulous. because we did. she smiled and thanked me. big girls need some lovin' too.

there was a couple next to us my dear friend kept saying,

they're unhappy.

right.

i said.

i don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. just leave. or let me go. however it needs to happen.

i wanted to get wet and stood at the water's edge with the girls until just the right moment when there were swells and slight waves.

i kept telling the girls,

i want to get wet, but i don't want to get slammed. i have to pick just the right moment.

sometimes, it felt like the shoreline would disappear and there was only crashing waves. it's amazing how the ocean works.

it was a curious thing having the sun set behind us though. i'm so used to the sun sinking into a hungry sea. but no, it was an utterly different experience (obviously, duh).

i was wound pretty tight when we got there.

i've never seen you like this,

she said

i really need to do stuff to settle me. self-soothe. i didn't do tai chi sunday or today. so i really need this.

and by the end of the day, i had mellowed out considerably.

but today, back to the grind.

lying out on the beach, i said,

it's a perfect day.

the sun was shining, there was a cool breeze coming off the ocean all day. it was perfect. good company. good music. good food.

i don't know how to wrangle the good stuff into words. it's an unfamiliar ease that i'm unaccustomed to. i'll have to work on that.

more perfect days ahead, i'm sure.