such beauty here

a line from a poem i wrote.

such beauty here
can it keep us

i ask myself that now. this morning as i sat out in the garden, bunny in a cage now because he's more wild hare than tame bunny of his early outdoor days.

the bluejay fledglings are the size of their parents now, fending for themselves. so my daughter's early morning offering of peanuts were greatly received. i even walked back in to retrieve a whole pocket full, which i doled out to the grateful recipients.

one squirrel bounced down the stairs toward me and looked at me, like,

well, come on!

how can i not feed that brave little squirrel. and how can he refuse my nuts. an easy meal is hard to pass up, especially for a forager.

so i tossed a few nuts to mr. bravesquirrel, who retrieved them and licked them all over before shoving it in his mouth and making off with it. i enjoyed watching his little hands fondle the nut, while he contemplated his meal. then, cramming the nut into his little mouth, so the nut protrudes halfway out, if i could shove a nerf football in my mouth (one of the small ones), that's about the picture. i'm sure you've seen it.

i broke out the water hose and watered out early girl and some other tomato bush. i'm enjoying the warmth of the sun on my body. i did tai chi in the sun today, just to get that flush of colour i so appreciate. i attempted my morning pages, but i'm finding the words are coming fewer and fewer.

reading thich naht hahn's every step is peace, it talks about deliberate meditation (my choppy paraphase of his elegant words). doing nothing. it's been a long time since i've let myself do nothing. i tend to be about moving from the next thing to the next thing. i need to let myself do nothing and i'm in a place mentally and emotionally, i think i can handle it.

one line in his book says,

let your feet kiss the earth.

yes.

i say. and try to remember that. my feet kissing the earth. such simple beauty.

anyway, i am sitting out there this morning all zenned out, and ultimately am late to work. but it was a good day. long. tiring. but good. the customers were patient and a tad jovial. no one out to bloodlet an underpaid cashier.

which i appreciate immensely.

now, i'm overtired, (i get that way on occasion) and can't sleep. what to do? here i am. this is always, always a good option because it drains my brain of some of the words swirling about in it.

self-soothing. that is what i attempt to do with these jots and tiddles. i hope one man's angst makes for interesting reading because that is about all i've got.

peace.