small town cafe

i'm walking around mainstreet usa, and there is this little diner type jobbie i want to eat at. i go in, the place is packed. always a good sign. the first time i was there, it was packed too. the stools at the bar, with the covered glass cake dishes and kitchen in view were not where i had in mind to eat, so i asked to be let out (a small herd of teenage boys entered right after me), and i left. hoping to miss the lunch rush.

so i walk down the street back to my parked car, which is docked at the library. i have been doing school there all day, since my daughter wanted me to stay and see her ride today.

having done that, i went back to the diner to find it closed until dinner.

sigh.

this is why a small town would never work for me.

i like to be in places no one else is. to eat at a table overlooking the street and linger over an iced tea while i read or write.

this is not going to happen in this lifetime in this small town. the place is stuffed to the gills with probably about ten tables, all of them too close to the neighboring tables for my own peace of mind.

so, i walk back to my car and i'm hungry but i don't just want to eat. i want to experience. today's modern eateries are an entirely different kind of experience than i want.

so i will wait. until i get home at 4:40, just before dashing out the door to go to work. yesterday i ate dinner in the car. may happen that way again.

i don't know.

but sometimes morning comes and i'm ravenously hungry and i realize it has been a long, long time since last i ate. because it's not that i don't like food, or eating it. i just don't like the way food comes to me these days.

too often, it's harried.
more often than not, i'm alone. we've perfected communal isolation in my house, which is simply pathetic and i don't know how to change it or if i have the strength to change it. (or the desire.) though this kind of nonrelating does not work for me.

having said that, some part of me thinks it must work or i'd change my life.

well, let's just say i'm changing my life, but like the titanic, she don't corner on rails. she's a beast, and it takes a lot to see response.

i'm around a whole new tribe of people and the stimulation is great. poems are not coming just yet, but they will. they always do. all i have to do, is trust.

now if i could only find some place to eat.