glistening kernels

i will not describe that image further, suffice it to say, when life gives you crap, find something good in it. i have been repeating this mantra to myself all day. it's not so much that anything has gone horribly wrong, no one lost limbs or died. i just have a million details in my head and can't seem to remember every single one of them. try as i might. this creates problems. or are they ways the universe is saying,

wake up!

i'm tired. my feet have never throbbed so much for so long, except when i started working behind the coffee counter. thankfully, mercifully, those days are long gone.

it is now about being in the moment and refusing, outright refusing, to let go of it. even when it's difficult, painful and uncomfortable. funny thing is, i look back on yesterday's optimism, and i wonder, is this a test. is this the universe saying,

are you really gonna choose joy and abundance, in spite of your circumstance. if so, here's your opportunity.

the universe is benevolent with growth opportunities, let's just say that.

and today, even as tears slipped out the corners of my eyes, i held fast to the yes of the moment. i refuse to let myself go down to grief because i've gotten lost on some mental backroad which i thought had been at last abandoned.

as much as i want to will myself to wonder, i have to remember, i can only remain open and trust. and without reservation, without hesitation, the kindest people are rising up to meet me along my journey, as if to say,

here, a lifeline. use it.

i am just tired. it is not the end of the world. but i do believe, joy is a choice i must make daily, even when the details of life seemingly interfere. there is always, always, always, some blessing just around the bend if i don't give up.