Thursday, January 26, 2006


finally back online. forgot to artificially format the poetry i posted, so it is just big huge columns of text. oh well. i may just take it down and forget about it.

went to my first open mic gig at a local bookstore. i had gone in to see about starting up the gig myself, and was told some "guy" was going to do it. and i offered to help. well, i met the guy last week and this week at the gig, he made it clear in no uncertain terms that he neither wanted nor needed my help.

the thing about it is, i dig older people. they are wise. they are usually pretty laid back. but i guess my overmuch enthusiasm last week didn't help. so we're there at the gig and the guy mentions bob dylan. my dad listened to dylan. no one i know of for the past couple decades has listened to dylan. i'm more of the kurdt cobain set. but that's just me.

this is hard for me to swallow. there are 19 year olds there who are all bright eyed and bushy tailed. i want to see a community come from this gig, not just a bunch of anonymous people showing up to inflict our poetry on each other.

so i'm about that. i'm starting a group of the people who want to get together in between the reads and share work, etc. the guy leading isn't going to be a part because he doesn't do email.

forgive me, but i feel like saying, old guard, stand down. but i can't. i need to shut my mouth and see what God has for me to learn in this place. i guess it just caught me by surprise.

one of the cool things was, i was reading the poetry below (poorly formatted), and i saw a white-haired gentleman stop and lean into the rails as he passed by the cafe. he heard the whole poem, and wandered in and took a seat. afterward he came over and shook my hand. he is a poetry lover. it is nice to have some people there just to appreciate the work, you know? it is often such a lonely task banging out these words (while i don't mind, it is nice to see flesh and blood people and have them shake your hand).

so in my prayers this morning i read:
The measure with which you measure will be measured out to you, and still more will be given to you. To the one who has, more will be given; from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

it really feels like the Lord is loading me up in this season. and giving me so much in terms of blessing, freedom, creativity. and it all feeds on itself. it keeps multiplying. i just want to be able to share the goods, you know?

i don't think the guy who is host will be opposed to that, but i'm trying to get people there and i guess, i'm nursing a bruised ego. i haven't had to prove myself in so long. i've finally come into my own in terms of accepting who i am. i guess that doesn't have to change, but the guy was so down. so, well, i can't make a living at the thing i love, so i just keep plugging away.

i'm so not there. usually i'll jump on the down in the dumps bandwagon, but not today man. no way. there has never been a time when i've been more ready to do what i am created to do. i just pray this guy will let me encourage him.

i reminded him of van gogh who was never famous in his life (and i think that is what gets people, not being famous), but now. now we would be the sorrier for his absence. if van gogh didn't labor in obscurity, press through the hard times, what a loss that would be to art and creativity. i've not made it all the way through his letters, but the man loved poetry. and i, for one, appreciate that. can't have too many folks who appreciate poetry.


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