all one

i'm prompted to write by a kind word i received. one i never imagined to be in shadow says it is so. this confession, this revelation, this encouragement blesses me. as i find myself often feeling alone in this journey.

marion woodman says,

you'll find yourself alone but it is better to be alone then with the crowd. and when you've been alone long enough, you'll find others who are also alone. and they are the only ones worth spending time with anyway.

how i understand this. i've wondered why this aloneness? this pervasive solitude that sometimes it feels i am driven to. the crowds i just don't get. i have tried, believe me, i have tried.

i came across this sentiment in one book i read recently, forgive me for not remembering where, but i read at least a book a week and move so quickly sometimes i can't remember up from down via references. so this was probably robert johnson, as it sounds very much like him:

alone = all one

he went on to say,

when one is unafraid of being alone. one cannot be parted from self. one is all one in the sense that they are so fully themselves that they are whole. complete. entire.

i do not profess wholeness, but i do understand the desire to collect my parts which have been lain down for the sake of others. those pieces, as you can imagine are few, but pivotal.

i'm trying to understand a great many things about my wiring and one of the books i'm finishing up today speaks of aphrodite and how she is enchanted by her own enchantments.

that phrasing is exactly the kind of thing i'm looking to discover in myself. where am i beguiled by my own beguiling. enchanted by my own enchantments.

i'm ever on the proverbial witch hunt within myself, and try to ease up. but scrutiny comes natural to me. i pick through my sordid ideas and try to find the weaklings. my tendencies are a difficult matter though, because they are part habit, part comfort. i do not willingly or easily part with comfort.

it is scant these days, my vestiges of comfort. my bastions of ease have failed me. they have dried up and blown away for the most part. which leaves me staring at a whole slew of habits. which i consider and try to determine what good they are and if they deserve to remain.

it is well. i trust there is a reason for the hope that is within me. and someday i shall know it. see it. even as i rest upon it now, in faith and trust. my dis-ease ever forcing me to reckon with God and cry out for His blessing.

God is indeed faithful. the All One, is watching over me. gathering my scattered members, and re-membering me who i am. who i was created to be. though at times it feels like only darkness. He is here. in this shadow. in this mire. in this pain. He is here.

God be praised.