oops, i did it again.

about a half hour before rockstar:supernova started i was wracked with fear. why always the fear thing with me? do you find it hides in the nooks and crannies of your life, too?

well, when there is nothing to drown it out or be a distraction, it can be vicious. i had to flip on the tube early, i couldn't deal. just couldn't.

i'm beginning to think my peeps are all dropouts and rockers. (there is a jock on the show and he bit it big time, forgive my hideous delight.)

since i'm breaking my mindfast for supernova, i thought i may as well check my email, and in true, give a mouse a cookie style, here i am bloggin my wordless heart out. (i am online because rockstar, for those of you who aren't playing along, is a voting show. and you better believe i'm not letting the dweebs of this nation vote off all the good rockers. ehm. american idol).

also, i thought nikki sixx was going to be on, but it is some dude from guns and roses, gilbey clarke. he's all right. (the chicks this year are kickin' ass. i liked a couple of the chicks from last year, but this year. wow.)

the things i keep hearing in the silence

don't write or email me anymore

yeah, that one is fun. it is followed closely by all manner of things, not the least of which are jerk. and absolutely right on. i agree, then i don't agree. but i have peace about it, so whatever. it doesn't matter whether or not i agree as long as i have peace.

you're one of a kind

there are still people who love me.

various and sundry quotes for the thousands upon thousands of words i wrote last week. (midway through the two weeks, i was hoping i'd hit 23,000 words, tops. hoping. i hit 31,500 and only stopped writing because i was sounding like a wookie on the page, i was so fried.) how i coulda said it better, different. how i didn't say what i was trying to get at. how i could have put an extra line space in to affect the look of the page (yes, i have my anal moments).

let me tell you this one thing more before i go on my depraved way (i am doing a deprivation remember?).

my hubby knows johnny depp rings my bells, so he walks in and gives me this tube.

what's that?

a poster.

he actually bought me the new pirates of the carribean poster as i had admired the seven foot one at the local theater (another reason to break my fast? opening night with johnny d?).

i unrolled it and started giggling like a schoolgirl. a grin spread across my face and danny said,

you're blushing

maybe you should start wearing a hair rag

like i need help with my lust issues, eh? well, imagine having to put up with them daily. so i've got johnny depp spread out across my kitchen table. my hubby is going to hang him in the hallway so he doesn't have to look at johnny.

anyway, you'll find i'm not improving by these silences, just finding my words again. and combatting fear.

gotta go vote. here are my votes:

lucas, toby, patrice, josh, dilana, jill, and storm.