skiivies

what can i say, i have just given birth to two manuscripts and a proposal. i've written more words in the past two weeks than in the past two months. i'm utterly fried. i can write no more for now. so i will be silent.

i realized yesterday at the mall, and why i ever liked going to the mall when i was young is beyond me. now, it is overstimulation city. with endless marketing to boot. i can't stand it. i had a book with me, fortunately, and read while the hubster and girl wandered through stores. i'm so not into it anymore.

i realized though, that all the noise creates a need to drown it out, so what do we do? put earbuds in and drown it out. effectively combating noise with noise. it is utter madness. i've been doing this myself, and it is not a healthy way to live. it is a track which takes me places i do not want to go.

i sat with helen yesterday morning, listening to repeats of some of the stories i heard before, but it was nice to tell her i think her the matriarch of the church and she laughed and said,

i don't know about that.

i knelt at the altar with my manuscripts and proposal, got anointed and the priest laid hands on the stack of my words and dedicated them to God. it seemed the right thing to do. it is all i've ever wanted to do. and now i have.

so this week, i'm appointing myself inspector of all things leafy and winged. i shall take long walks, and do a deprivation (or mindfast as i call it). no reading, music, watching tv (except for rockstar supernova. how can i miss tommy lee, nikki sixx, and dave navarro on the same show? no true rocker can. and well, call me crazy but i'm nothing if not that. also, have you seen them? they're gorgeous. even with short hair. i thoroughly enjoyed rock star inxs, it was immensely gratifying. though when inxs became a rockband is beyond me. it's like calling bon jovi heavy metal, or poison. no way!).

i shall play with my girl, and try to help her again uncover the floor of her bedroom. i will look into her eyes. and engage.

there is a very short list of people i will answer the phone for, but you know who you are. otherwise, it is 3d living. meditation. silence. for at least a week.

maybe then i'll have something to say again. right now i feel like a pair of underwear that has been in the dryer too long and the elastic is shot. not much you can do with those, except retire them. so i'm retiring. for at least a week.

peace.