brunette goddess

all saints day. a new month, there is something immensely gratifying about ripping that lined out calendar page off and seeing the whole month before me. unmarked. though there is a lot coming up, it is nice to see it out there on the horizon.

listening to a tape on happiness,

thought structures,

dr. carlson says,

are like movies. separate entities, not reality. to contemplate them is about as beneficial as contemplating static on the tv.

hmm. you know how much time i've wasted analyzing my thoughts. too much.

thoughts, are like steering wheels,

he says,

an angry thought precedes angry feelings. low thoughts precede low feelings.

and he repeats,

low moods happen, learn not to make life altering decisions during them or take them too seriously.

if you find yourself repeating similar circumstances, it is because of a construct of thoughts which are reinforced by your experience.

he says

we will actually ignore (not necessarily intentionally) evidence contrary to our thought structures and lay hold only of the evidence which supports our thought structures.

wow. my girl listening along with me yesterday said,

you are putting me in a low mood by talking to me that way.

that's not what he means,

i tell her. but i'm glad she is listening and hearing what the good doctor is saying.

i still have no answers. perhaps fewer than before. but this one certainty. God is Sovereign. that is it all for me. i know and understand nothing else.

i'm ready for an overhaul in my voice though, my thought processes and structure. i can't wait for tomorrow because today is so damn good.

some of the joyous words i've incorporated onto my artist's collage:

best of you
wonders
dreams do come true...
the true magic of forests is that even when you leave them, you never really do.
YES (i've waited so long, YEARS, to find that word. it should be used more in advertising)
lovely on the inside
helping others gives success true meaning
believe in happy endings
self-confidence
positivity
brunette goddess
brunettes do it better (ha!)
warriors
the style of your life
fighter
dream wildly and wait for the magic to happen
brush with greatness (i do this all the time)
remember what's good
always stylish. always beautiful.

and on and on it goes. finding joy. finding empowering language to hang my thoughts upon. yes, that is what it is all about.