from the abundance of the heart

i wish there was some way i could make it all make sense to you, but there isn't. i can't. all i can do is be here. listen. soothe you with my presence.

i know it's not easy to let people in, but you have to. trust me, i tormented myself for years in my head, and it took letting someone truly love me for me to understand that i am, in fact, the beloved. as are you.

it won't be easy. anyone who says it will be is lying.

it won't make sense, it never does. that is why we have each other. to explore questions. to get through the long dark nights together. that is why we are here in this land of toil. for each other.

being present is often much more difficult than checking out. i realize how checked out i was in my early life, sure the pain warranted my checking out, but i missed so much. i remember a few flowers though. a few moments of beauty that reached me in that distant place in my head i would go. a few words of kindness, and faces i grew to love. i remember them.

i wish i could tell you i won't let you down, but i will. just as you will let me down. it's part of the deal. it's the way it works here on this fragmented rock we call home. we crash through our days trying our best to be kind (some days more than others).

sometimes we get to share a bit of light, a bit of goodness. a bit of mercy. those are the moments i live for. even if my month is punctuated by darkness, there is always a point of light somewhere to be found. just look for it. hear it in the birds, see it in the trees, let the warmth of sunlight reach you, there where you are.

i know it is tough. i know you want to give up sometimes, but don't. i, for one, am glad you are here. and would mourn your absence.

let me hear your voice, it is all beauty to me.