today

another day in another year i am apart from family. i never thought it would be this way, that i'd spend these holidays as i've spent so many, alone with family. just the three of us. no big deal. no great fanfare.

my sister, mom, aunt, cousin, and assorted relations made tamales yesterday. i could hear them in the background when i called. it was a tough moment for me to be here, so far from those i love.

so i will find some glimmer of sunlight, some ray of hope to cast my gaze upon. and be at peace. i will fight for peace today.

my sister sends me a memory, (i'm having trouble uploading). of when we were children and together. christmas was a grand affair. and the memories pain me with their sweetness.

i wasn't going to go into it. i hadn't even shed a tear about it until i started writing. but i thought there might be some other soul out there who needs a word of comfort today. just like i need one.

i will let myself be lost in the liturgy of the day, and found in my child's eyes. in my husband's eyes. where i belong.