i got the go ahead from my prof to send in my final paper. which is HUGE. it is the last giant step before graduation. i've decided i'm going to go to my graduation and walk. i've worked hard for it, and, well, so i will. i'll likely go alone. it will be more memorable that way. or maybe not. i don't know. but i'm always alone, and i've wanted to go to vermont for a very long time, so i'll finally get up there.
the one thing the second reader said about my work is that she wanted to know why i was averse to the revision process. i'm not averse, i just don't go there. does one have to be averse to not revise? can't one just not revise? it seems to work for me, truth be told. all the shit i've read and written has been first drafts. they work for me. why fix what ain't broke. i don't know. but i know aversion has nothing to do with it. it's just not my bag baby.
i'm trying to be understanding about not getting to work on christmas. i know this is probably viewed as a gift to some people, but not to me. i hate the holidays. and i'd been hearing how i was going to work it for months now. grrr.
i'm trying to process what i'm feeling but i'm just plain angry. spitting angry.
because this is what it comes down to, my husband is turning me out, i need the hours, i need the pay. no two ways about it.
i guess i need to go find some other place to work. i don't know what else to do. it would be nice if i could find a profession that paid me actual money, not just peanuts.
but then, i've been too forgiving. too accepting. too accomodating. now i need to be steely bitch and bank some coin.
yeah, right.
or, i need to find a farm and go hole up there for a long time. until i can't remember a day when i didn't wear boots and jeans, and i didn't have mudcaked fingernails.
that is what i'd love to do. get lost on a ranch somewhere.
i need a diversion. that's the worst part of it.
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