eight hours later

we have a cut poetry cd. it still needs some tweaking, and at one point i watched him chase phantom sounds, and had to yell out,

it sounds fine

(i was in the bathroom!). he is a true sound guy though, can hear all kinds of inaudible shit, and i'm grateful for his expertise and guidance.

we'll have to find a small run press for you, unless you want a thousand cds.

um, i don't know.

i'll look into it for you.

thanks!

seems his kindness knows no bounds.

the cd press he uses may do a small run, but how many is too many? how much is too much? i'm of the opinion that i should go with the best and just suck up the rest. do what i have to do. sure it may take me a lifetime to unload them, but what else am i going to do? they will be my businesscard. ha! it would cost me less in the long run to give away those than my book.

need to order that third printing. but i'm waiting for something, not sure what.

so i went by work after my studio time, and the boss won't let me in on the "news" he's forbidden to spill. but from what i gathered, i'm transferring soon. one kid, the one i don't trust, is getting promoted asap (i have reservations about this, but it is not my call), and the other who is the bomb and the likely candidate to fill my shoes has to be second in line for promo. but he won't be denied long. i'm told four weeks out for him.

that means, i'll be replaced by two, they have to hire another person to replace them, and one will step down. quite an upheaval. but i've never been replaced by just one person any place i've left. i do the work of three. maybe more.

so i'm thinking i'll trust my boss' and his boss' judgment about my placement. it may not be where i'd choose first to go, i may end up in a store that is not a mile from my house, but it will be a store that houses a golden child. and i've learned that if one can sit at the feet of a golden child, the glow translates. it is a smart move for me to go where they send me, to "behave" as it were. not to obstinantly demand what i want inspite of what my boss' boss wants. and so i'll defer my preference this once, in favor of the larger picture.

i may be gone by next month, and this pleases me. i'm ready.

i went over my friend's house this weekend, and we did a movie marathon. i got to hang with her and her family (my persian belly dancing friend), and it was nice to be a part of a family again. her daughter is sooooo my daughter. it made me laugh. at one point, i mentioned it to the girl who is my girl's bffl, and she gave me the scowl my daughter normally gives. and i laughed.

that's her exactly.

i know.

she said.

i get to spend more time with my girl's bffl than my girl. that's sad. but i am grateful to not be bereft of little girls entirely. i don't know that i could bear it.

so, i'm off, up there again to go for a long walk through beautiful orange county. it is gorgeous up there. and then tonight to a poetry reading. i get to hear a big nj poet i've been wanting to hear read for some time. i'll likely read something i just wrote a couple days ago.

i do that. break out the fresh fish for the fish fry. it makes sense.

i had a lot to say, but by the time i get here, i lose it all.

and still you wake me at three am, and i lay there in your arms wondering when you'll appear and i won't have to imagine you anymore.

soon.

you say, but i wonder if soon in your reckoning is the same as soon in mine.

something in me does not think it is so.

but i can wait. i'm not a patient woman, unless there is something i want.