mom-me

it has been a lifetime. LIFE. TIME. since i've lived with my baby. my love, my little one. whose not so little anymore. and i just have to say this, a woman is nothing, no thing, without her children. i can't even really explain it. it's something about the comfort of a mother, the way a mother soothes, i only know how to hold, to kiss, to comfort in person, not remotely.

so, for this brief moment, this beautiful child will be with me again, for this instant. i will be present. we will laugh, we will fight (that's a certainty), and we will love, furiously. that is the one thing i am capable of, loving. deeply.

listening to john mayer, and he sings,

i know the love we send out comes back (or something like that),

and i believe that too. it's all i understand. even when it comes back in ways we don't expect, or don't even recognize as love.

i know there are limitations, we're all fucked up here. no one has a market on healthy. no one. if they look like they do, it's because their shit is not the kind you can see. if they admit it, it's just because they are honest. those are the cats i dig. the honest ones. don't tell me you're fine if you're fucked up, and i know you're fucked up because we all are.

it's those people who can laugh and cry with me, who can fight and laugh, dance and scream with me that i love. the real people. however fucked up they are. i'm fucked up too. i don't ask for perfection, don't expect it, from anyone. and when i do, that's my bad. no one, no fucking one is perfect. ever.

fuck is my favorite word, has been for a while. ;) just thought i'd mention it.

anywhoo, my baby. back.

even for a moment.

does the six armed woman have a six armed child.

you better believe she does. she's powerful, that one. it radiates from her. it won't be easy, i know that. it's a lot of arms to keep from struggling against each other. but we'll figure it out. we'll learn to love each other again. and, we'll remember how to laugh.

that's the best thing about our time together, we laugh, a lot.

next week, we start working with the herd again. there are eight of them now. so we meet three new horses. and my girl's riding instructor said,

i've missed you so much and wanted to call. i went away for five days and couldn't relax because you weren't here.

which was wonderful praise, since we love her horses and being around them. i can't wait to see them again, my girl tells me bitty's sweet spot has moved.

it's okay love, we'll find it again.

and she's excited as i am.