Sunday, February 20, 2011

the art of losing

is not hard to master. i don't want that to be the lesson i leave this life with. i want to find and be found. always have. never really sure i make that possible for anyone, inclined to hiding, recoiling as i am. not with some strategy in mind, but the way a snail recoils when you touch it's soft opaque antennae. i pull in, shelter, and then slime away when the danger has passed. it is what i do. so easily i don't even really think about it much. though my friends have been pointing it out when they say they miss me. i try to oblige and return, but it's hard for me to stay. to navigate the salt flats i find myself in the midst of. and i'm tired.

i try not to say it, i try not to feel it, i try not to think it, but it's true. i realize when i don't have my girl underfoot, though she's hardly underfoot anymore, i tend to crash. though i've been rather productive the past couple days, i've a week to go. a whole week to go. the city to tame. ha!

jury duty in the city of all places. i love an adventure and this promises to be one. so i will board that train and head on out as if i know where i'm going and put on my la tough and try to enjoy the journey.

i so want a companion though.

and sometimes, i feel it profoundly.

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