ssshhhh

there are still these moments i find myself calling out to you, almost in spite of my conscious mind. i don't try to stop it anymore. i don't try to ignore it anymore, i kind of consider it like when my grams died, and how i miss her still. yes, it's that way with you.

meetings today, don't want to go but i've no out. though i've made significant progress on my thesis and come to many conclusions about my work, it's been an interesting process so far, and it has just begun. i'm trying to abandon myself to the process, and by that i mean, go with it. so i've reformatted nearly every poem and i'm in the process of revising. there is much to do but i'm equal to the task and my work will be better for it. even the changes i don't think are right i might go with just to see if they will fly. my conscience roars when i do something that i can't tolerate, so i will just do it and see how much sleep i lose. ;)
what a plan.

in the way of things my unconventional life continues to right itself and i'm grateful. my sister told me a phrase,

i stay in unsafe situations too long because i'm too loyal,

and this is true. even now i struggle to find safe ground in dangerland. but sometimes comfort is what keeps me, even when i'm scared. and that's just sad.

sad or not, it is what it is. i understand that now. i must be about my life. and hope to encounter wonder today.