Friday, February 17, 2006

today

my husband's employment contract ends today. the contract that pulled us out of chronic unemployment. the contract that was supposed to last only 5 months and has been renewed again and again, these 9 1/2 months. the contract that made me feel like a normal person again, returning to me some of the rhythms of work and rest.

as i think of today and what it means for our family, i come across this in my daily prayers:
They shall not fear an ill report;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting the LORD.
Their hearts are tranquil, without fear,
till at last they look down on their foes.


i do not fear today. i live today. i work today. i go about my business and trust God today. for today is all i have. sure i have a different understanding of what tomorrow brings, but that is tomorrow. not today.

today we have work.

tomorrow, if we have no work, we will still have trust and faith in God. who provides all work, all security, all blessing.

i've lost nothing, you see, that i didn't have last week or ten months ago. i've only gained a temporary respite from "looking" like a loser. the fact that i have never been a loser in the eyes of God has not changed. though at times it gets hard to believe.

receiving is harder than giving. trusting is harder than worrying. living in the present moment, employed moment, at the feet of God is the hardest thing i've ever had to do and yet it comes so easily now.

i am wafting on wings strengthened by updrafts and furies. i am wafting on the prayers of friends and loved ones. i am wafting on trust.

and God is here. today.

4 comments:

Elaina Avalos said...

"The Lord sustains all who fall,
And Thou dost give them their
food in due time.
Thou dost open Thy hand,
And dos satisfy the desire of
every living thing." Psalm 145:14-15

A dear friend recommended on my blog the other day that I read Psalm 145. I'm just passing it along.

This is my first visit to your blog although I've been meaning to stop by for some time after reading your beautiful and honest words at The Master's Artist.

I thank God for yoour honesty. It is refreshing and a blessing.

relevantgirl said...

wafting on trust.

I love the way you string words together, my friend. Simply beautiful. Like you.

May God provide in the uncertainty.

siouxsiepoet said...

elaina, thank you. i will check out that scripture in just a moment.

mary, i love that picture of you laughing. i have to take one like that.

suz.

siouxsiepoet said...

Psalms 145
King James Version
1 I will extol thee, my God, O king; and I will bless thy name for ever and ever.
2 Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.
4 One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.
5 I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works.
6 And men shall speak of the might of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness.
7 They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.
8 The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.
9 The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.
10 All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee.
11 They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power;
12 To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom.
13 Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and thy dominion endureth throughout all generations.
14 The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.
15 The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season.
16 Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.
18 The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.
19 He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.
20 The LORD preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy.
21 My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.